The other day I was at a party and a friend, who I hadn’t seen in a while, asked what I do, not what my job title is, what I actually do day-to-day.
So, I went through a regular day at work, explaining every element, from morning to night. But, even when I’d finished the most comprehensive of explanations, I was still greeted with a ton of different questions:
‘What does X mean?’
‘How does that work?’
‘What is the real meaning of X?’
‘Why does that work?’
‘Does X strategy actually work?’
Exasperated by the idea of having to explain every single marketing strategy that I test and implement daily, I decided to do something different. I took a glance at our surroundings, sucked in a lungful and went all out, describing marketing strategies in a way that would leave my old pal with no questions.
So, for all those marketers, entrepreneurs and business owners out there, this is the go-to-guide for explaining marketing strategies to somebody you just met at a party.
And for everyone else (who isn’t in this industry, or are just getting started) hopefully this clears up your questions too.
Contents
Different Types of Marketing Strategies and Their Explanations
Picture the scene, I’m at an anniversary party of a super-old friend. We’re all in a hotel function room. There are balloons, beer is flowing and a beige buffet is pushed against the back wall.
I’m there alone, knowing that I’d have loads of opportunities to catch up with friends I hadn’t seen in a long time, and have my ears chewed off by others that I never really liked (hopefully they don’t read this!).
One of my old friends (that I was hoping to speak to) came over. After a fair bit of small talk, he asked the question about my job and what it entails, day-to-day.
I noticed that he was staring across the room at a woman, who neither of us knew. So, I took the opportunity to explain how these marketing strategies could get him a date.
Before we get into the strategies, I just want to clarify that these explanations work for both guys and gals. Just because I’m explaining them from the perspective of a man, that doesn’t mean you can’t flip it around. This is the 21st century after all!
Content Marketing
(The perfect place to start, as it takes up a large chunk of my working hours!)
I start by circulating the party, trying to find people who know the mystery lady. I really need to find out more about my target audience. When I do find somebody who knows her, I ask them about her wants, needs, pain points, hobbies, loves, interests, passions. I find the subject which aligns with my offering best, and go about producing content about it.
I start by calling for a toast and digress from the reason we’re all there (the anniversary) to talking about her desire, and how much I know about it. At this point, there are no specifics, she doesn’t know it’s targeted at her, but she feels a connection to it.
I then start producing other pieces of content. I stand near her and have conversations about my expertise on the subject. A buddy takes photos of me that relate to it. I tell stories about how I was in the same position as her before I discovered something that transformed my life.
And then I wait, just for a little while…
…and she approaches me.
She feels connected to me, she wants what I have and most importantly, she sees me as an expert on the subject. I’ve turned the tables from me wanting her, to her wanting me.
Email Marketing
I approach her this time, but not to directly ask her out. I think that might be too risky, and if she turns me down, I might never get a shot with her again.
Instead, I tell her that I’m organising another party. At my party there’ll be celebrities, ice sculptures, a petting zoo, a pool, outsourced catering and a free bar.
She’s sold on the value of my party, but, in order for her to come, she has to give me her phone number (replace this with email address for email marketing) so I can text her the details. That way she won’t forget them.
She agrees, and as promised, I send her an invitation to my extravaganza.
Then I leave her to mingle with others, and from afar I send her a few more text messages. These include entertaining quips, plans for the party, things that I think might help her (from what I learnt about her in our brief chat) and most importantly, I incorporate stories into all of them, so she always wants to read the next one.
After 3-5 texts, I send her another, asking if she’d like to go on a date with me before the party, so we can get to know each other a little better.
Now that I’ve entertained her a little, helped her out and given her massive value in the form of a legendary party (invitation), she will be much more likely to accept.
Direct Marketing
I walk straight up to her, grab her attention and ask her out.
Paid Traffic
I don’t approach her this time. I could, paid traffic would apply to me simply walking up to her and offering her £50 to go out with me, but, I want to be cleverer with my paid traffic strategy…
…so, I go around the party, and offer people £5 to come over and start talking to me. When they do as I ask, I tell jokes, stories and entertain them as well as I can. Then I ask them to circulate the room and talk about by my stories, including to the girl I’d like to go on a date with.
After doing this they come back to me, because I’ve entertained them and they enjoyed listening. Soon enough, I have a large crowd around me. This draws the attention of the woman, and she comes over herself.
At this point, I look super-popular, have enormous social proof and I’m seen as a highly-trustworthy member of the party.
When I get a chance, I focus all my attention on her. This makes her feel special, and dramatically increases my chances.
Conversion Funnel 
I call for a toast at the party, and tell all attendees that I will buy a drink for anybody who gives me their phone number.
80% of the people agree to my terms, including the lady I’d like to ask out.
After I buy the drinks, everybody sees me as a generous, helpful guy, because I’ve offered something of value in return for a telephone number.
I use the telephone numbers to send out a group message, offering the chance to join me on a trip to the cinema. I find a deal for tickets, and tell everyone that they’re selling at a massive discount.
50% of the people agree, including the lady. I’ve funnelled my group down to a smaller group. I know they like the cinema and are confident enough to hand their numbers out.
I then send another message, saying that we should all pay for membership to the cinema.
20% of the remaining number agree, including the woman.
Now that she has been through my funnel, I will see her regularly, giving me the opportunity to get to know her. This increases my chances of her accepting my offer of a date, further down my funnel.
Indirect Marketing
I ask people at the party for the lady’s name. When I find it out, I add her on Facebook.
After a few minutes, she sees my requests and accepts (we have friends in common after all).
Then, I ask my friend to approach her and find out if she is single, what she does, where she lives etc.
He returns and tells me everything. I ask him to go back to her and ask her out.
B2B Marketing
I discover that there’s another man at the party who really likes the lady I’m interested in. As a B2B marketer, I see this as an opportunity, not a threat.
I decide it’s not in my interest to ask the lady out and I’d be better served helping the other man persuade her to go on a date.
I offer him all the strategies in this article, alongside a love potion that never fails (at a price)!
If he doesn’t agree to buy anything from me, I circulate the party until I find another man who is interested in the lady, and offer them to him.
As a B2B marketer, I must keep going until I find a man who is prepared to invest in himself to aid his chances of success. When I do and the strategies work for my buyer, all the men who turned me down (earlier) instantly run to my feet and beg for everything I’ve got…
…they can have it, but now that demand has gone up, they must pay more.
FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)
I buy the lady a drink and approach. After entertaining her for 2 minutes, I look at the clock with terror in my eyes. She asks what’s wrong. I tell her that I think we have a connection and we should definitely try to continue our conversation another time, but I must leave immediately. I don’t have the time to speak anymore, either she agrees to go on a date then and there, or she’ll never have the chance again.
Viral Content
I tell somebody at the party an outlandish secret about myself in the shape of an almost unbelievable story. Then I tell two more.
I watch on as they go around the party telling others about my crazy story, including the lady I’m interested in. Soon enough, everybody is repeating the story and staring at me.
I wait for a little while, hoping the lady approaches me to hear the story first hand. If she doesn’t, I will go to her. I have a much greater chance at conversion because I have gained incredible social proof (everybody is talking about me!).
SEO 
I really, really, really want to get noticed. But not just that, I want to be right in front of her when she’s asking others for the answer to all her problems.
I rush out and buy myself a massive orange top hat and a sparkly pair of shoes, and drift around her group, waiting for her to ask a question.
I’m sure that I will be able to solve her problems because I’ll be the first in line to answer. If I can’t, it doesn’t matter, I can make something up and she’ll believe me, because I’ll be the first one to speak.
When she sees that I’m a knowledgeable guy who can solve her problems, she’ll look beyond the big orange top hat and agree to go on a date with me.
That’s All For Now…
Hopefully these definitions haven’t offended anyone. I came up with the idea after a few drinks at a party, and it was all in good fun!
I’ve listed 10 different marketing strategies so far, but if you’d like to hear more, or have any marketing strategies that you’d like to see added to this list, leave a comment, or…
…write your own below!
If you enjoyed this blog post, check out our article, Should You Start Your Own Business?
